Recovering From Domestic Violence – I Did It!

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. But unfortunately, it is a reality suffered by millions of women – and men, too – in the United States and around the world. Even when a woman escapes from domestic violence, it doesn’t mean she’s free. Recovery takes time, and she must go through cycles of healing with the appropriate therapy.

Domestic violence is not just about physical abuse but mental and emotional abuse too, and these are perhaps the most difficult from which to recover.

But healing is possible. It happened to me and I found the way to live my life again.

•The Frightening Consequences Of Domestic Violence

Many abused women do not see themselves as victims. I didn’t either. I was a “giver” and I tried to keep my partner happy at any cost. I fed the “monster” and I felt guilty when he got angry. I thought I was not doing a good enough job as his partner. I was sick.

Like me, many women escape from domestic violence but still feel guilty about the situation. They believe they were the trigger for this violence, and that they could have somehow prevented it. They often think of domestic violence as just physical violence and don’t consider the psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse that goes along with it.

Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship controlling the other by using an abusive behavior. Even when a victim has broken up with her abuser, the guilt, fears and insecurities she learned from that violence will remain in her mind and spirit for a long time. Even women whose abusers have died are still imprisoned by their ruined self-esteem, and the sense of worthlessness that their abuser made them believe was reality.

And even when a woman gets physical distance from an abuser, that doesn’t mean she’s still not under that person’s control. Threats on the phone, by email or texts, driving by her house – these are all ways of undermining the victim’s confidence. They are the mental torture that continue to deplete the energy of a battered woman even after she’s left the scene of the abuse.

•“It Was My Fault”

The emotional abuse that goes hand-in-hand with domestic violence is perhaps even more devastating than physical abuse because most victims will blame themselves. It is easy to blame someone who is openly hitting you, but when the abuse is subtle and emotional – like your ex saying you are a bad mom and worthless – after a while, you really do start to believe it’s your fault.

Written By: Veronique de Miguel

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